My Boy, My Hero



So far I've talked a lot about my two daughter's, the baby and my eldest, their stories flow easily but I've not yet fully talked about my boy. It's a post I've been putting off as I want to do his story complete justice. Almost seven years later the emotions are still so raw and I still cry when I think about what this amazing little boy has conquered.

From the moment this boy arrived in our world he has surprised us. He was born on the day he was due to be induced, with less than an hours labour and not requiring induction at all.
After turning up to the hospital to be induced for my own medical needs, me and the hubby had packed for a good few days, knowing that being induced can be a lengthy, boring process. However, on the day we turned up for induction I felt something was happening and I was right. Deciding to be prepared, I sent my husband off to Subway for a foot long special of roast chicken, on hearty Italian, with cheese and toasted, no sauce or salad. Why ruin a good thing with salad? I wolfed down the lot and a packet of cheese Doritos, fifty minutes later I had a Son! I still swear to this day it was the foot long Sub that shoved him out.
From that day forward our little boy has never ceased to amaze us. Bash was born with an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. Despite checks, it was still not picked up until he stopped breathing at his eight-week immunisations. At this point his lungs were 80% full of blood, starving his brain of oxygen. His uncontrollable crying from the injections proved too much for his little heart to bear. My 'Mother's-instinct' had kicked in before this time telling me something wasn't quite right. I'd never expected this though, maybe just a chest infection or something like. He'd been a poor feeder and became tired, clammy and breathless when trying to feed. I'd visited the GP but had only been prescribed Gaviscon for silent reflux. though I did feel the Doctor only gave me that to pacify me, I wasn't taken seriously at all. At age 23, a month from my 24th birthday I was described as 'A young Mum struggling to cope with the pressures of becoming a new Mum". I wasn't exactly that young, and this was my second baby, the first of which was a thriving, intelligent little girl, whom, if I don't say so myself, had had a fantastic 3 1/2 years of parenting from said 'Young New Mum!'. Unaware at the time, I have since realised this was the first time that I was to doubt myself as a Mum because of the practices of a professional.

My perfect beautiful baby boy was fast failing to thrive. His weight was dropping and he soon became so sick that he was no longer able to feed. He was fitted with a nasogastric feeding tube and we tirelessly tried to get him to gain enough weight and become well enough to have his open heart surgery to repair his heart. These weeks were some of the most horrendous weeks of my life. I still well up with tears just thinking about it even now. I don't think the pain and heartache will ever go away but it is tainted with a layer of admiration as I watch what he has become everyday. The pain heightens how proud I am of him and the things he has achieved. Unless you've parented a sick child I don't think you can understand how I feel inside as I watch him run like Bambi at the school sports day or swim like a drowned rat in the pool.
In a city that wasn't home, only fourteen weeks old, I handed over our little brave soldier to an ICU, if we were lucky. There was absolutely nothing I could do for my baby and, boy, did that hurt. I disappeared off to the parent's room and expressed like I've never expressed before, I'm sure I produced enough milk for the entire ward during the time he was in theatre. Every cloud and all that.
anaesthetist for the very first time and walked away from my baby completely helpless, knowing that the next time I would see him would be in
In a bid to pass the hours, we walked into town to buy him a present for when he woke up. I'd got it in my head I was going to buy him a teddy from the Disney store. I was inconsolable when I found that the store had closed down. I'd pinned so much on that soft toy I was yet to buy.
Whilst walking around, barely able to think, never mind shop, we got a call from the hospital saying the surgeon wanted to see us. I knew I had signed consent forms for emergency treatment to be administered as they saw fit should something not go to plan and so all we could think of was something had gone drastically wrong. We both thought he was dead, we just couldn't say it out loud. I clutched my husband's hand as we ran through town, him dragging me along to keep up with his speed. Our boy shouldn't have been out of the theatre for another few hours. We hailed a Taxi to take us the short distance quicker than I was able to run. Abandoning the taxi at the entrance we sped to the lifts. My husband since told me that had the doors to the lift not opened when they did, he was about to drag me up the stairs in any way shape or form. We stood outside the ICU still clutching each other's hand and waited to be buzzed in.For that moment I felt like a child myself. Fearful and frightened of the unknown, my lack of understanding crucifying me. Together we waited. Together we sobbed. Together we hoped.

We were one of the lucky ones.




Our boy has had a difficult journey throughout his almost seven years but he never lets it get him down. He has more battles to face as he continues his journey. Unlike me and his Dad, he seems oblivious to the struggles life throws at him and he just takes it all in his stride. I think children do. A nurse said to me once,  "Children are so much more resilient than we give them credit for, they haven't learned to wallow yet". She was right.
I've had many battles with myself inside my head over the years because of feeling helpless to his cause but I'm learning to accept that just being there for him and believing in him is the biggest help I can be. Believing in myself helps too. We've battled so much as a family, some truly horrific battles, we've had our parenting questioned, our lives torn apart, fought illness, fought society, BUT, we came out the other side, together.
We're just beginning a new journey at the moment as we explore an Autism diagnosis but it's just another part of our little lad. Another part of him that makes him who he is. We have some incredibly tough day's but I am blessed with a supportive husband, good friends and an extremely close and caring family whom without we would be lost. Together we will continue to get through anything.

There's five in this hive, together, forever, always.


If you would like to learn more about congenital heart defects and diseases or to support their cause I highly recommend Heart Research UK. It's a fabulous charity that we raise money to support through our annual fundraising event. You can visit them here https://heartresearch.org.uk/


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18 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness I can't even imagine how terrifying that must be to see your baby so poorly. Never let medical professionals undermine your judgement. They are just people with a degree but they aren't gods and can't know everything. Your boy sounds like a superstar!

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  2. That sounds truly terrifying. I'm glad it worked out in the end. You sound extremely strong and brave, all of you! #KCACOLS

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    1. Thank you and thanks for taking the time to read this <3 x

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  3. aw goodness what a story and how bloody patronizing to be packed off with gaviscon. even as a new mum in my early 30s i still never really felt i was taken seriously when taking my boy to the doctors. like i was over reacting. im so pleased things were ok in the end and here's to many more happy times to come #KCACOLS

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    1. Thank you Emma, and thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Amy x

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  4. That must have been such a scary time for you and it’s awful when the professionals make you doubt yourself. It’s lovely to hear that you’ve got a wonderfully supportive husband and a lovely family #KCACOLS

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    1. Thank you and yes, I'd be lost without my family xx

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  5. Oh my goodness, what a story and what a brave little boy. I'm so pleased he was OK during the operation. I honestly believe doctors need to listen to parents more, I was fobbed of by one of the GP's in my practise a couple of years back and it resulted in my daughter spending a weekend in hospital! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time

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    1. Thank you, yes Mum's definitely know best most of the time. Just need to believe in ourselves. Thanks for reading x

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  6. What a journey. You sound like such a solid family, I wish you all well from here on! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

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    1. We're very lucky to have the family we do. Thanks for reading. x

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  7. Ah, bless him! I can imagine how terrifying those times must've been, but as you said, he's a superstar and your lovely hive will fight everything together...
    #Blogstravaganza

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  8. Goodness me, your little man's story made me feel so emotional. I can only imagine what you have all been through, but it's so clear that it has made you all stronger together as a family. You have a real hero both on your hands and in your heart there. Thank you so much for sharing this with us at #DreamTeam x

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  9. What a journey you have been through as a family but wow what a fighter your little boy is. He sounds amazing, and you've done so well to cope as you have. Thanks so much for sharing such an inspiring story with #fortheloveofBLOG

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read my post x

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